We love those friends that are always in our corner and support us 100% right?
However, I need the friends that can do that and still be real with me. I appreciate your encouragement when I sound down or hard on myself. However, if I’m saying, “I don’t think I should step off the bridge and try to fly without wings”, I would appreciate it more if you said, “I agree, that is probably not the best idea, in fact it is a stupid idea,” rather than you saying, “oh, you can do it, you’re always good at anything you do”. Okay, so this is an extreme example, but the point is, if I am being realistic about something, it doesn’t help me for you to give me flattering encouragement on ridiculous things. In fact, it hurts me because I want to trust your trust and faith in me, but in reality you’re just setting me up to get crushed. Now, I have to filter through your unrealistic and over zealous encouragement to decide if it’s worth listening to or if you’re just trying to appease me. That means I cannot trust you or depend on you when I truly need a friend to help me through something. All I can depend on is that you will tell me what I want to hear, but I can’t depend on you keeping me straight when I need it most. I’m not some 14-year-old girl with low self-esteem, looking for compliments. I know how to manipulate people into giving me those. I just need you to be real. So…..let’s recap. If I’m 450 pounds and make a comment about needing to eat less, if you feel the need to say, “oh you’re fine,” or “you look great,” or “whatever,” then please…PLEASE…just don’t say anything at all. You’re no help to me. You’re supporting me into a bad situation and I’m sure that’s not what you really want. If I haven’t showered in a week, don’t tell me something stupid like, “oh, I’m sure no one will notice”. If I’m going into a business meeting about the opportunity of a lifetime wearing flip-flops, don’t shrug your shoulders and say, “whatevs”. If I’m driving a car 70 mph toward a brick wall, I don’t need to hear, “eh, I’m sure the car is strong enough to go through it”. I need someone to cuss me out and grab the wheel. If I can’t trust you to do that, then you don’t really have my back.