I Miss Me

I keep wondering when I will come back to me.  I miss myself.  I use to be the stable one, the dependable one, the intelligent one, the responsible one.  Now I do so many things unlike me and I don’t even know why.  I can’t tell if I just don’t care or what.  The world just seems to be spinning so fast and I can’t seem to grab hold of anything.  I wonder how people deal with this sort of thing.  I can barely keep myself present in a conversation or even in my own thoughts.  Remembering to check the mail more than once every three weeks is a challenge.  I just haven’t quite figured out how to be a person again.  I hang out with friends and pretend to enjoy myself and be excited about things they are excited about.  This is in effort to feel like a real person again but it gets exhausting.  Trying to put on an act in front of everyone all the time takes a lot out of me, which is why I tend to spend so much time alone.  I don’t know what to do about this problem.

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