It’s funny how you randomly write or say something and never know how it may touch or inspire someone. I read this blog and it inspired me in a few ways. First of all, I now know I’m not asking too much for my significant other to support me even when I’m acting emotional, strange, or out of the ordinary…b/c he knows it’s just something I’m going through at that particular time that’s making me that way. Apparently, those guys do exist. I was recently in a relationship that went bad real quick and I found myself wondering if I was asking too much of my partner. I recently experienced a personal tragedy and all I really wanted was some emotional comfort and he was not able to provide that. This sparked even more negative emotion in me and it sort of pushed me over the edge. My emotions became more than I could bear and I lost control of them, spewing out everything I felt to this person..which of course he could not understand because what I did not realize at the time, is that he lacks the sensitivity one needs when going through a tough time. (Perhaps it’s empathy he lacks, I haven’t quite figured it out yet.) He told me stories of argument he’s had and I was in awe at how harsh he could be. It should have clicked then but of course, I so badly wanted some emotional support, I was putting up with all sorts of things that I would not put up with in my normal state of mind and I was ignoring all the signs that this relationship would only make me feel worse, not better. I started wondering if I was asking too much to get some emotional support. I honestly believe I would not have become over emotional if I had gotten that support. A hug, a few kind words, being held, anything of that sort would have made the difference, but instead, I was criticized for being so emotional. The funny thing is, I was hesitant to get into this relationship because I knew I was not in a good place emotionally. I stated this several times to him and he kept saying he would be a shoulder for me to cry on and he would deal with my emotions just as long as he could be with me. I told him I would be crying and sad every day and he would potentially get tired of it. Still he insisted he could deal with it. I mentioned this conversation during my spewing of emotions and he had nothing to say to that. I guess I forgot that some guys will say anything when they are in pursuit..and may not mean a word of it.
But that wasn’t what inspired me. I suppose I just happen to like the way this person blogs, even though it’s just random topics. I’ve been having trouble getting inspired to write anything lately, mostly because of my recent traumatic experience. Depression can cloud your mind so much. Reading the way this person described how a book affected her outlook on her own life experiences sort of had me think about my own. Also, reading the passage included in the blog from the book Wild was inspiring because the scene was described so passionately that I wanted to be there in that scene. I remember that I used to write this way, maybe not quite to the level of this writer, but I remember being able to describe things with a passion, watching the scene play out in my mind as I wrote about it, feeling what my subject was feeling. I got an inkling (if that’s a word) of that feeling again and it made me think that maybe there is hope for me to get inspired to write again….to find that creativity within me again.
Already I’ve written all these words here when I started off thinking I didn’t know what to say. Of course, I know it’s easy to write a lot of words when you’re complaining about something or someone, but still!
Hopefully I can continue to find blogs that will inspire me and help me get my creative mind back.
Recently, just before my husband went off on his April wilderness trek, I found myself at a local Target, trolling for a cheap bottle of white wine, like any self-respecting adult woman who is always right would after arguing with her husband over the merits of completing graduate school. I was trying to convince him (and really, myself) that staying on and finishing was worth it, despite the fact that I have hated every moment of being in the program and it has made me a complete terror to be around. I am a primo student and was thrilled to pieces to go back to school, and yet I have been unhappy every single second of this experience. It has been so bad. I was crying to my husband about hemorrhaging money every quarter to take phantom classes just to stay enrolled until my thesis project was green-lit, and…
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